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Growth: Our Lifelong Lesson


Every person grows through a lifetime of mistakes, not because life remains peaceful without events, but because we acquire the ability to evaluate the world from a developmental perspective and respond to challenges maturely. Today is my birthday. Sitting alone in the office, watching the gentle rain outside the window, my heart is filled with mixed emotions. As I approach nearly half a century of life, why do I still find myself entangled in past emotions? Why do I feel so tired? Where did my vitality, passion, joy, and happiness go? When did I lose them? I remember the words from Teacher Chou in a workshop: "When will you allow yourself to be happy? You've done enough. How much longer will you deny yourself happiness?" Hearing this brought tears to my eyes... Since 2013, I've been involved in Teacher Chou's workshops, and I’ve also attended the Growth Course (intermediate course). Currently, I'm enrolled in the Systemic Constellations Professional Training course, aimed at those interested in becoming a practitioner. Throughout this time, I've had about five or six sessions with Teacher Chou, Teacher Yue-ning, and Teacher Henry. Through participating in these workshops, observing other people's cases and frequently representing various roles, I've experienced a range of emotions and perspectives. This journey has been transformative. I've gone from frequently feeling melancholic, with tears flowing uncontrollably at the touch of sensitive issues, to now feeling mostly calm and free from emotional turmoil.  It's a significant change for me, letting go of so much: hidden anger and resentment towards my husband, the urge to control my son, and inexplicable sadness. Still, there are parts of myself that I’m afraid to confront, and they subtly influence my thoughts and behavior. Especially during the second session of the professional training course, when Teacher Chou conducted a constellation for me, I saw my representative on the field, awkward and powerless in the face of events from my life, ultimately lying next to my deceased mother. I stepped forward and, with all my strength, pulled the representative of myself from beside my mother. In that moment of determination, I felt inner strength and courage. There's no savior in the world; there's only the person I've grown into after these experiences, with a mature attitude towards life. Yes, I am the master of my life. Over the years, I've matured into someone who can handle and perceive life's challenges maturely, no longer frozen in helplessness like the little girl I was when my mother passed away. I no longer view the world through the eyes and attitude of that little girl. Reflecting on the past, I suddenly became aware that I've been stuck in that helpless state of the little girl since my mother's passing. My memory of my mother's face has faded, only remembering the two moments when I entered the house and when she was taken to the crematorium. From childhood to adulthood, there have been moments of loneliness and isolation: being sick without anyone to care for me, treated differently by other kids, struggling with studies without assistance, getting married without my mother's guidance and worry, and conflicts during childbirth with no one to confide in... These trivial and lonely moments often flash through my mind like a movie. Especially during emotional turmoil, all the old, buried issues resurface instantly, often leaving me in deep pain. While raising my child, I've also experienced the joy of being a mother. However, I haven't learned how to love my child maturely. Unintentionally, I've held on too tightly and placed the expectations I had for my husband onto my son, which led to him constantly rebelling against me and distancing himself. Thankfully, my son has been able to resist and hasn't fallen into my irrational and immature love, choosing instead to be himself. I hope my son understands my growth and my love for him. I also hope that through learning, I can continue to grow and express my feelings, advice, experiences, and lessons learned to him, leaving the decisions about listening or making choices entirely up to him. Perhaps what I perceived as detours may just be my own imagination at this point. As I write this, my mood has brightened up. As Teacher Chou said, we shouldn't only focus on solving problems but should learn from them. This is how we continue to grow and learn to love maturely. When we face challenges, we can approach and handle them in a mature manner. Over the years, I've come to deeply understand: resolving past unresolved issues and unfinished business does not guarantee lasting peace, health, and smooth sailing in life. It’s unrealistic and wishful thinking to believe that no more draining conflicts and worries will arise. Every person grows through a lifetime of mistakes, not because life remains peaceful without events, but because we acquire the ability to evaluate the world from a developmental perspective and respond to challenges maturely. This isn't achieved overnight but requires continuous growth to open our minds and broaden our horizons. Growth is our lifelong lesson!

TAOS International Systemic Constellations Professional Training Course Student (3rd Batch)

- Yang Hongpu

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