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My family, the place where I was born, holds the most beautiful moments of my childhood. It's the place I later escaped from and also the direction my tears return to now
—home - Lo Ta-yu
We had no judgments or criticisms in the beginning. We wholeheartedly loved our parents and family. As we grew older, we began to perceive issues within the family. As we were unwilling to bear or repeat those unpleasant experiences, we resisted, we fled and we tried to create a different situation. At some point, however, we found ourselves replaying our parents' stories. What we vowed to shield the next generation from, inadvertently unfolded once again… Besides blaming our younger selves for not understanding and realizing our parents' struggles too late, what can we do now to change or improve? In the 3rd lecture of Diamond Class, Teacher Chou delved further into the topic of family dynamics with the participants. Whether you aim to break the cycle of fate in your original family or create more happiness within an already stable foundation, family dynamics are an essential factor that cannot be overlooked. Teacher Chou pointed out that before we reach adulthood, the energy propelling our upward growth is powerful, making the influence of family dynamics less noticeable. As we mature, the momentum behind our growth gradually slows down, and the influence of family dynamics becomes stronger and more apparent. Therefore, a lot of people who grew up saying they would never be like their parents and that they would never repeat what their parents did end up unintentionally becoming more and more like them as adults. They end up looking in the mirror and realize that they are exactly like their parents! Resembling our parents isn't inherently bad; it stems from our fundamental need for a sense of belonging. However, people often struggle to create a positive sense of belonging. So naturally, in our daily lives, we unconsciously let those admonishments like 'Don't be like your dad in XYZ way' or 'Don't act like your mom in XYZ way' shape us gradually into acting like that XYZ behavior, expressing our sense of belonging to our parents. If we can change our approach and affirm to ourselves and our children, "You are like your father/mother in (positive qualities/virtues/strengths)”, then the children can establish a positive connection with the parents, initiating the first step to break free from negative cycles and imitations.
Next, Teacher Chou also emphasized the significance of the relationship with the mother. From the moment we are born, the first person we connect with and learn from is our mother. Ensuring a good relationship with her is key to the smooth functioning of all other aspects of life. Repairing the relationship with our mother can even influence relationships with our father, siblings, and the society at large. However, not everyone has a perfect mother, and many people still carry traumas originating from their mothers. However, Teacher Chou pointed out: Without life, there is nothing. It is through life that we can enjoy a beautiful life, have the opportunity for growth and learning. Regardless of how our mothers were initially, she may have had her worries, burdens, and hidden dynamics. Let's simply acknowledge that our mother has bestowed upon us the best gift — life. Recognizing this goodness, we express gratitude to our mothers. As for other aspects, we have the capability to explore them in adulthood. However, the gift of life can only be given by our mothers. Acknowledging this core of all creation, breaking free from the scripts of societal norms, many grievances can slowly be released, leading to heartfelt gratitude from deep within. After re-establishing balance with the mother (the source), the next part of the program delved into understanding other family dynamics. One such aspect is the triangular relationship. The triangular relationship actually originates from the relationship with the parents. A grown-up child who has been involved in their parents’ relationship for a long time and has not broken free from it creates a void in their new family. This in turn fuels the desire for an affair. However, in terms of dynamics, it is more appropriate to call it an "inner affair" rather than an extramarital one, as the real issue originates in the original family. Once the imbalance in the original family's internal hierarchy is addressed, and members return to their rightful positions, the triangular relationship naturally dissipates. Do take note that merely patching up the entanglements—by, for example, exposing the cheater, turning a blind eye, silently approving, or exerting forceful control—won't stop the dynamics from being passed down to the next generation. In other words, the majority of the individual's descendants are likely to repeat the same patterns. Therefore, the key solution lies in restoring a normal hierarchy and putting an end to inappropriate dynamics. Certainly, where there are triangular relationships, there is also the common family secret — abortion. In systemic constellations, family secrets often carry profound and heavy influences, and abortion is one of them. Most people may not be aware that beyond the realm of consciousness, there exists a collective subconscious where no secrets hide. Everything is shared in this collective subconscious, and family members associated with abortion often experience the impact of this invisible force consciously and unconsciously. This influence can manifest in relationship issues, intimate connections, fertility problems, financial challenges, emotional issues like inexplicable fear, and more. From a systemic perspective, it's not about the mythical haunting of spirits but rather the consequences of human guilt, imbalances in the family system, and obstructed expressions of love. By being willing to see, face, acknowledge, and assign a place to these dynamics, there's an opportunity for a transformative change in the future. Although the deceased has passed away, it is not too late to learn from the experience, make amends and exercise caution. Teacher Chou consistently emphasized that guilt cannot alter the past; acceptance of the present and focusing on what can be done for the overall well-being is the only path for continuous personal growth and the creation of happiness. The founder of systemic constellation, Bert Hellinger, once said, "Happiness is the accomplishment of the soul", and family is the best place to practice happiness. After two days of classes, everyone has developed good skills and are eager to put them into practice within their families. The next session is approximately a month away, and we look forward to hearing the success stories from the participants. Like every course, there are always uplifting messages from participants!
After reading the course highlights, what are your thoughts, dear readers? Are you interested in learning the path to happiness in life? If you need more time to understand, continue to follow TAOS’ various media channels, where we regularly release valuable knowledge and videos for everyone to learn from. If you are someone who takes immediate action, feel free to sign up for our 4th Diamond Class! After all, this program is only offered twice a year and enrollment is limited. Considering the limited time of one's youth, it's certainly better to reserve happiness sooner rather than later! Regardless of your decision, remember to take action because action is the beginning of change, and change is the first step towards happiness! Finally, the TAOS editorial team wishes everyone a happy and fulfilling family life, abundant joy in life, and we'll see you in the next report of the Diamond Class!