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Appreciating Your Child’s Behavior: 32nd Love and Reconciliation Workshop (Beijing) Course Report


How can we change our destiny and move towards happiness and success? If we don't change ourselves, we will keep experiencing the same things.  Firstly, we need to cherish everything we already have and have a grateful heart. Secondly, we must constantly reflect on ourselves with sincere introspection. "Systemic Constellation"

has transformed our perspective and the way we perceive the world.  Typically, when we see undesirable behavior in our kids, we tend to respond with blaming and scolding them. We might even hit them sometimes. However, can blaming and scolding really make our children better? For parents, the crucial question is: Is it really just the child's problem? Is it not related to the parents? As a matter of fact, children serve as a mirror of the family, offering a direct reflection of the situations occurring within the family. In the 32nd "Love and Reconciliation" workshop, there was a distressed couple who had a 16-year-old son who refused to attend school for weeks, and claimed that "life has no meaning". Through systemic constellation, it was revealed that the son's refusal to attend school was linked to the parents' previous abortions. The couple had experienced eight abortions, one of which was in the seventh month of pregnancy. During the constellation, the father avoided looking at the children, while the mother was unsure of what to do.  Aborting a child not only affects the relationship between husband and wife, but also affects one's health, money and career. People unconsciously compensate for the loss through financial setbacks or illnesses. Additionally, surviving children may feel a sense of guilt and find life meaningless, unconsciously wanting to follow the aborted siblings.  Facing these aborted children, parents must genuinely see them, apologize, repent, and bless them back to the source of life. Acknowledging these children's existence allows the surviving children to live authentically. 

Also, there was another couple who talked about their 19-year-old son’s persistent unhappiness and dissatisfaction with himself. The son, despite being thin, believed he was overweight and tried various methods to lose weight. He even felt that his parents shouldn't have married, as it would mean he wouldn't exist. In the beginning, the mother positioned the couple side by side, facing their son, with a noticeable distance between them. Upon seeing this, the son swiftly rose from his seat, widening the gap even further and turning his parents in a different direction, his back now towards them. This behavior revealed a profound sense of abandonment within the son. Upon further inquiry, it was revealed that the mother was adopted and unaware of her biological parents. Deep within her heart, she harbored thoughts of wishing she had not been born. The son, at present, resonates with this sentiment.  During the constellation, the son's representative was very agitated, repeatedly shouting 'don't come here' in a loud and distressed manner. Why was the child's reaction so strong? Upon closer inspection, it was found that the family had a longstanding involvement in animal husbandry. After adding various animal representatives into the constellation, we saw that the animals were aggressive towards their son, and the parents tried to protect their child from the animals. From this, we can see that killing animals has a great impact on children too. Later on, Teacher Chou Ting Wen led over a hundred participants in a collective constellation, in which we offered sincere repentance for the animals we had killed. We also thanked them for bringing us income and sustaining our families, and for satisfying our appetites. At the same time, we must extend blessings to all animals and strive to protect them. Animals, like us humans, are integral parts of nature. Everyone in the world has a responsibility to protect the environment and animals. Following the collective constellation, the 19-year-old son, who was previously reluctant to sit with his parents, suddenly stood up and joined them. The audience, moved by this remarkable transformation, burst into applause.  Do you want to change your destiny? Everyone’s answer is undoubtedly a yes. So, how do we change our destiny and move towards happiness and success? If we don't change ourselves, we will keep experiencing the same things. Firstly, we need to cherish everything we already have and have a grateful heart. Secondly, we must constantly reflect on ourselves with sincere introspection. Systemic constellation has changed our perspective, and the way we see the world. 

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